Five Biggest Excuses That Ruin Your Dating Life

Recently a reader posted a comment on my dating blog in which he questioned that I or anyone else could help him find a mate. He said he has tried "everything" to meet someone. He's tried pickup lines and routines. He's tried what some term "natural game." He said nothing has worked.

Then he started listing some of the reasons why things aren't working for him in his dating life. What did every one of his "reasons" have in common? They were all excuses.

Worse yet, in his mind he perceives each of these to be unchangeable facts of life instead of seeing them for what they really are: excuses he's created so he doesn't have to face his dating difficulties.

So many people make these kinds of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves "out there" in the dating world

So many people make these kinds of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves "out there" in the dating world, or to avoid having to face that they need to work on their confidence or conversation skills.

Here are five of the most common excuses people make about their dating lives, along with proactive ways to overcome those excuses.

1. I Am a Victim of Geography. I hear it every day from clients: "There are no good men (or women) to meet where I live." The fact is that where you live has nothing to do with you remaining single. It's your mindset and your belief system that are the problem, because there are great people to meet everywhere. I've worked with clients all over the world, and no matter where they reside I have always been able to show them how to meet people. You need to go out there with a better attitude.

2. I Attract All the Wrong Singles. The reason why you're attracting the wrong singles comes down to the way you go out and meet singles. Look at your life a little more deeply. Are you going to the same places over and over again and always meeting the same type of people? Are you not making yourself available so it's too much of a challenge for people to meet you? When you go out on dates, do you tend to talk more about negative things than positive things? Stop thinking about the people you are meeting and start thinking about how you're meeting them. In order to meet different people, you need to change your life immediately. The truth is that you have the power to do something about it.

3. I Don't Have Time for Dating. If you truly want to meet someone, you have to make time to do it. It's really that simple. Fifteen minutes a day devoted to going out there and meeting new people is all you need. Try setting goals for yourself, such as, "I'm going to talk to four new people today." Whatever your goal is, though, you need to make yourself reach it every day.

Singles aren't just going to start approaching you. You've got to make it happen.

Singles aren't just going to start approaching you. You've got to make it happen. I know you're busy. We're all busy. Just remember that this is your dating life, and only you can make your dating life happen for you.

4. I Can't Meet Anyone Until... My favorite one of these is the "as soon as" person. "As soon as I lose weight I'll go out and meet singles." There are a million other phrases that could be filled in here: as soon as I get back in the gym... as soon as I finish this big project at work... as soon as my kids get older. When you start using "as soon as" excuses, you become the person who truly believes that life is going to change the second you accomplish other things. Get rid of the mindset that you will somehow be magically ready to meet someone "as soon as" you accomplish something else. Life is not about scheduling things like this and putting them on a timetable. You've got to be open to meeting someone all the time.

5. Only Losers Do Online Dating. I hear many singles who have never tried online dating tell me, "I don't want to do online dating. Online dating is for losers." This is a ridiculous statement. There are millions upon millions of people who use online dating. A client of mine once said to me, "I don't want to put my picture on my online dating profile because someone I know might see it and then they'll know I'm doing online dating." Let's put aside the fact that if someone sees your online profile, it likely means they themselves are doing online dating. Here again, there is an attitude problem at work. If someone has seen you online, then if they see you in real life they can walk over to you and say, "Did I see you on Yahoo! Personals the other day? I didn't know you were single." You've got to tell people you're single and, more importantly, stop feeling like there is something wrong with being single. Going online is making an announcement to the world that "Yes, I'm single, I'm available, and I want to meet someone."

All five of these excuses have one thing in common: They are all manifested inside your mind so you can justify not having to try, and to make you feel better about your unsatisfying dating life.What all of you excuse-makers need to realize is that an amazing dating life is not just going to magically happen to you. Just with anything else you want to achieve in life, you've got to put work and effort into meeting people. Let me assure you that your doorbell is not going to ring one day and your perfect mate will be standing there with a bottle of wine and takeout saying, "I've been driving around the neighborhood for the last 15 years looking for your house and now I've finally found you!"